One volunteer, Lisa, expressed her sense of guilt whenever saying goodbye to the senior that she visited once a week. Lisa said, “I have made a commitment to visit M.R. for one hour on Mondays. Every time I get ready to leave, she gracefully says something like, ‘Of course, it’s time to go.’ But that doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. It’s that look in her eye. I know she really wants me to stay.” And, then Lisa and I talked about ways that might help. She could leave the senior with a book or other object that would represent the volunteer’s presence in M.R.’s household beyond the hourly visit. After a few months, Lisa was still complaining of that feeling: she hadn’t done enough: she was “guilty”!
Then, one day, feeling sick, M.R. telephoned the volunteer for help. Busy with her own agenda for the day, but too “guilty” not to respond, Lisa appeared at the senior’s home within twenty minutes. As soon as she saw how sick the 92-year old was, she rolled up her shirtsleeves and did what had to be done: called the doctor, followed his instructions, and spent most of the day on hand until M.R.’s son arrived from Hartford CT to take over. That’s when Lisa developed the habit of calling M.R. every day or two. And somehow the hourly weekly visit developed into a welcomed 1½ or sometimes 2 hour visit. And, that was the last I ever heard the volunteer utter the word guilt. The volunteer had reached a new level of caring for her visitee. Recently, she told me that she really looked forward to the visits.
This isn’t to say that some seniors don’t need more than an individual volunteer can give. Luckily at Morningside Village, we have a multitude of ways of helping them. But, it is nice to learn how as a senior “takes” from a volunteer, she can also, simply by taking, give!!
Irene Zola
